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7/16/2025 2:55 pm  #1


Attila the Nun

Another super-obscure CJ story, a very early one (story of the story is at the end). 

Enjoy. 

Attila the Nun
C.J. Cherryh, GOH
BYOB-Con 7, June 3-5, 1977
Published in [fanzine] Spang Blah 15, Autumn 1977, Hotel President KC. MO.   

Attila the Nun

It was a vision, actually: the Hunnish hordes had hacked and hewn their way from Loyang to Leipzig to Byzantium to Buda and Pest, and specifically to the nunnery of Our Lady of Perpetual Hope, wherein our Hunnish heroes horribly harried the neighborhood and generally annoyed the pious sisters. Screaming and shreiking, the holy sisters fled the face of the frightening foragers, all save one, deaf sister Ghiselbertine, who, hoeing the cabbages, stood heedless of the Hunnish harrying. round her the Hunnish horde hastened, howling and hailing her, but Ghiselbertine failed to notice them. Now Attila, the Hunnish leader, was sore amazed by this behavior, and dismounted to question the heroine, when Ghiselbertine took a mighty swipe at a dandelion and smote Attila full on his head. 

The Huns were horrified and hied hence, but Attila, smitten with a sudden and stunning vision, was carried into the nunnery, where four weeks he recuperated from Ghiselbertine's unintended backswing. And daily convinced by means of the pious example of the good ladies, Attila actively attended services and acquired religion.  

Unfortunately not a word of latin could he comprehend, but he, in his newfound piety, had discarded his Hunnish habit and habituated himself to the nunnery. In effect, Attila advanced avidly through the novitiate and the pious sisters, apprehensive of offending him, eventually promoted him to abbess. Now Attila's Huns returned, sheepishly seeking their supposedly slaughtered leader, only to find him hale and well and zealously immersed in his new religion. The pious sisters eagerly urged him hence, and Attila, understanding himself now evangelically commissioned, launched out across Europe in an excess of missionary zeal. Hacking and hewing their way thru dale and vale, Sister Attila and his Hunnish horde swept thru village after village, converting and pillaging all the inhabitants thereof - until he set his sights on Italy. History recordeth how the Pope himself met the Hunnish horde at the border and hampered them from harrying further. 

Actually the Pope, horrified at the Hunnish habits, ordered Sister Attila to hie himself hence to a nunnery and to take his horde with him...so Attila gratefully retired to Buda and Pest (hence HUNgary) and raised cabbages under Ghiselbertine's pious guidance, while the Hunnish horde discarded their former habits Nun was complained of thereafter.

 ****************(In their infinite wisdom the '77 BYOBCON committee set up a poctsard story auction, the proceeds going to help keep the concom out of the red and in Beam's Choice. With the help of Bob Tucker, who came up with many of the topics, the concom had six of the attending pros dip their money hand into the pile of topics and draw one.
They drew: Attila the nun - C.J. Cherryh;
a Yngni, who is not a louse - John M. Ford;
a starship captain with astrophobia - Lee Killough;
barbarian enters a city and applies for welfare - Gary Phillips;
mankind evolved from bacteria left by a member of an alien race - Tom Reamy;
a man & a woman on a planet together, but they can't remove their space suits - Carl Sherrell.

Knowing a good thing when I see it, I asked and received permission from authors & purchasers to print the stories. However, an orc in human form by the name of Mark Crandall vanished with Carl Sherrell's poctsard story, after buying it, & never sent it to me. So you only get 5 of the 6 stories. Oh yes, do remember, the stories are copyrighted & if you reprint them without either the author's or owner's permission, you can be up to your armpits in unfossilized coprolites.))

 

7/16/2025 5:11 pm  #2


Re: Attila the Nun

Most excellent, mahe!

Now I'm curious about the Ford story as well ...
 


It's a strange world.  Let's keep it that way.
 

7/16/2025 6:26 pm  #3


Re: Attila the Nun

Needed that giggle.

 

7/17/2025 9:02 am  #4


Re: Attila the Nun

DOWN FOR THE COUNT
by John M. Ford 

(Thirty-five. Thirty-four.)
rNot much time left, is there?"
Shut the hell up." 

(Twenty-eight. Twenty-seven.)
You're not going to inject. You're not going to correct itin time. Face it, Ingvi baby, you're a louse."And what does that mean?"

(Twenty-three. Twenty-two.)
Louise. Eartherawler. Washout. The only stars you'll eversee will come when you bash your head."It's such a small window."

(Nineteen. Eighteen.)
Hell yes, it's small. We made it too small for you to crawlthrough."Shut UP!"

(Fifteen. Fourteen.)
Crack the pod, Ingvi. Let the atmosphere solve your prob-lems. Be a meteor, louse."Correction sequence, start. Yaw plus two degrees."

(Eleven. Ten.)
Too late, washout."Roll control, up one and hold."

(Eight. Seven.)
I said, too late."And I said drag brakes to forty."

(Four. Three.)
Hey, you might make a good fireball yet, louse."Tell me about it."

(Two.)

Shockingly good glidepath, Yngvi."For a louse?"

(One.)
For a cadet pilot.
"DON'T YOU KNOW IT!"

(Zero.) 

     Thread Starter
 

7/17/2025 9:12 am  #5


Re: Attila the Nun

THE NEW ICONS.  by Tom Reamy 

Chapter 1  

Professor Pool shuffled papers on the lecturn and waited for quiet.

 "I apologize for taking so long with this," he said and squinted at the TV lights. "I know the scientific and religious communities have been anxious for the results of the time-scan.” 

"I will not keep you in suspense. We scanned all the way back...all the way. The evolutionists were correct and the Bible is wrong. Mankind, indeed all life on this planet, is the result of bacteria on a discarded bubble gun wrapper left by an ancient visitor from space.  

"He held up his hands again. "There is no point in hysteria. The proof is incontrovertable.  We scanned the visitor back to his home planet, back through that planet's history. Life there also began as the result of contamination from a discarded bubble gun wrapper. 

We've scanned, so far, one hundred and eighty-two planets.  It's always the same," 

Professor Pool tapped his paper square put them away.  "I'll report again, if there is any variation in the pattern." He left the stage.  

Chapter 2 

 "There were riots for years," Professor Atwater said to the packed atrium, "and there was a dark age lasting thousands of years. But the re-invention of the time-scanner has proven the Bible to be correct. God did create Man from an old bubble gum wrapper."

     Thread Starter
 

7/17/2025 5:01 pm  #6


Re: Attila the Nun

Nice.  Thank you.for these.

 


It's a strange world.  Let's keep it that way.
 

7/25/2025 3:03 pm  #7


Re: Attila the Nun

Fascinating pieces of SF history !


One world -- or none
 

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