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A memorial for our Founder
Charlene Sun aka CKTC
(photo by kind permission of Caitlin Sun & Rain Breaw)D
From dark beginning
to dark at ending
between them a sun
but after comes a dark
and in that dark
one ending
From dark to dark
is one voyage
from dark to dark
is our voyage
But after the dark
O Brothers, O Sisters
Come we home
=8.125pxFrom "Shonjir, The Passing Song of The People" Carolyn Cherryh
Nadi'in,
It is with the very greatest sorrow that I have to tell you all that our friend, Founder and first Aiji, CK was involved in a road accident on January 27th 2009. She did not survive.
CK founded the original Shejidan site in the late 90's when her own life was going through a hard time and she was questioning her career choices. For her the board was a place of escape, a haven from the strains of work and she gave unstintingly to make it a place of welcome, lightness and enjoyment for all who joined her here. Even then her artistic talent gave a clear form to the board which we have tried in part to retain and her sense of fun and creativeness informed nearly every thread.
CK relinquished the administration of the board when she decided that she would return to college and pursue a new direction. She graduated From USC in 2006 and went into a new career in film and cinematography. She had recently begun to experience success and recognition in that field and already had a number of credits under her belt. It is tragic that her talent and personality has been lost so soon.
I am sure that you will agree that we owe CK a debt of thanks for giving us this place and join me in hoping that it will last for many more years in her memory. I Know that I for one have lost a true and dear friend
Messages placed in this thread will be sent onward in due course to CK's family and colleagues.
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Re: A memorial for our Founder
hrhspenceI am at a loss for words to describe how I feel. This site has come to be a home for me as it was for CK. Her presence is felt here in all that she created. From the choice of colors to the humor of those who participate here. CK was always kind and open to me and to those who found this site.
She made it a community, far more than merely a book club, but a place of friends and even family. For this I owe CK thanks and wish her speed on the next phase of her journey.
Posted: 11:24 AM - Feb 18, 2009 Vetch
I need to say I am up to tears and I am so sad that I have finally the opportunity to see CKTC's face to read that she's gone. I have read so many of her threads at the old board, when I came she had already moved on, but she was still a lovely, cool, funny, heartwarming presence there. I liked her very much. I had always hoped that -- dunno, to be able to communicate with her.
I am very sad. 
edit: One needs to condolence her loved ones, but what is there to say? She gave us great joy and a board which is a place of friendship and warmth. I miss her since she left the boards; and I didn't even know her. I send love to those close to her; what more can I do? There are no words.
Posted: 11:51 AM - Feb 18, 2009 Aelith
I knew her not but I love her as much as I love this association. Thank you Aiji-ma.
Posted: 12:36 PM - Feb 18, 2009 Arcadia
This is tragic. I did not join the site while she was here, but I have felt at home here and enjoy the site greatly. I am saddened. My condolences to her friends and family.
Posted: 12:38 PM - Feb 18, 2009 starexplorer
This tragic news has left me bereft and saddened beyond words. Though I never met her in person, her influence on me, on this community and on so many others has been profound. I hope she understood something of how much what she created has meant to us all. My heart goes out to her family and loved ones.
(Star_ji, sorry to edit your post but I was asked not to publicise those links - Mule)
Posted: 1:38 PM - Feb 18, 2009 Neco the Nightwraith
CKTC:
I only knew you a little bit, only shared a few words and thoughts. You were taken too soon, but wherever you are now, I hope that you are happy and content and that, when my time is up, maybe we will meet again.
The world was greener when I found your site, made ever more happy years later when I found my love on the forum you started. You will stand forever in my memory, and you will stand forever as someone who started something great.
Live on.
Posted: 1:57 PM - Feb 18, 2009 cicely58
Posted: 2:05 PM - Feb 18, 2009 Aja Jin
wow this is terrible. many condolences to the family
Posted: 4:50 PM - Feb 18, 2009 Chomiji
Oh NO!
CKTC ... !
I will write something more later - right now I am at a loss for words.
- choAll times are UTC-07:00
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Posted: 5:06 PM - Feb 18, 2009 Theta9
OMFG! I can't express how this feels, and I wasn't even very well-acquainted. I will miss CK all the more now, knowing that the absence will be permanent
[edit]I saw this post early this morning but wasn't allowed to post to the topic for some reason.
Posted: 8:07 PM - Feb 18, 2009 Chomiji
I can't believe she's really gone - I always thought she would be able to come back and talk to us some more. She was working so hard to get her life to what felt right for her, and now - gone. I was going to come up with something beautiful and poignant and suitable. And I can't. I'm sorry. CK, I've been missing you, and will miss you. You gave us a really wonderful gift when you created this place for us to come together. Thank you, thank you, thank you. - cho
Posted: 8:58 PM - Feb 18, 2009djivryelOne's condolences to her family. D:One hopes that CKTC is in heaven.
Posted: 9:43 PM - Feb 18, 2009 moira
I have been staring at the screen for twenty minutes now. I have no idea what to say, or even quite what I am feeling, I am so suddenly overwhelmed. thank you for posting this, mule-ji, and thank you, star-ji, for the links to her work. she was very young and talented and, no, I really never knew her directly, but... damn it all, it's just not fair.
may she be at rest, may she be truly home once again.
Posted: 9:52 PM - Feb 18, 2009 Theta9
was moved to revisit my Myspace page and post a blog entry for the first time in over one-and-a-half years. It's not really a eulogy, but I didn't really know CK well. It's not even really coherent; I just kind of banged out what I was feeling/thinking. Mostly about how her death was so senseless and that it demonstrates the impersonal injustice of existence. This sucks. Hard.
Posted: 10:08 PM - Feb 18, 2009 griffinmoon
Nandiin & nadiin: One is simply agast.I knew she drew, but those things shown are exquisite!I knew she went off to follow her heart, but was never sure she'd succeeded. I had wished she's touch base once more.I note that her sister suggests CK was quite happy in life. I remember the conversations here on that topic. One would like to think she was better than she had been (having followed her heart). Drat...one sorrows... 
Posted: 11:48 PM - Feb 18, 2009 Xheralt Here is another place she is being remembered: 
Posted: 1:57 AM - Feb 19, 2009 Bansu
Nadiin, One can only offer the most sincere condolences at such a tragic loss to this community and to all who knew her in life. This wonderful person, and her wonderful art, will be remembered. 
Posted: 2:56 AM - Feb 19, 2009 Reading_fox
Lost for words. What a shock. After reflection: I like others only 'knew' her through the legacy of this site, and now that's the only way I will. That a true longtime fan of CJC won't get to see how Bren's life resolves somehow doesn't seem right. I spent some time today looking at her amazing designs, and I suspect I will spend a lot longer reflecting on the thoughts that there won't be anymore. Thoughts and condolences to all her family, friends and internet acquaintances. 
Posted: 4:33 AM - Feb 19, 2009 the mule For those who wish to see it, here is a link to her Gallery All times are UTC-07:00Page 2 of 7
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Posted: 4:55 AM - Feb 19, 2009 Kokipy
I, too, never knew her here, except in what she created for all of us. She had gone before I arrived. But like many of us, I read the threads obsessively before I started to post, and felt I knew her. She was a tremendously attractive presence, the community she created and molded continues to welcome us all. Such an enormously multifaceted gifted and giving person. We missed her here long before now, but always hoped she would visit again. The sense of loss now, knowing she won't come back to us, is huge.
Posted: 4:59 AM - Feb 19, 2009 hautdesert
Oh, no. Oh no.
I had only been thinking of her recently. She was a big part of the reason this board is such a great place. I was sad when she decided to stop posting, but glad she'd found something she really loved to do.
I only knew her first name, and was wondering just last week if she'd turn up in credits somewhere and I wouldn't recognize her name, and I'd thought idly of trying to track her down and see how she was doing.
I'm thinking of her family. It was just Tuesday that I was talking to my step-sister, saying that while it was never easy to lose someone, it's got to be horrible to have it handed to you like that--bang, they're gone and you never expected it, and never said things you always thought there was plenty of time to say. I hope they're doing all right.
Posted: 5:14 AM - Feb 19, 2009 Triscuit7
I, too, only knew of her. Condolences to her family.
Posted: 6:41 AM - Feb 19, 2009 joekc6nlx
Triscuit7,Feb 19 2009 wrote:I, too, only knew of her. Condolences to her family.
As did I. To be brutally honest, I didn't know about her until Mule-ji's post. I guess that shows that I don't read every thread, so I've missed a lot, apparently.
I wonder if her unhappiness was something that could have been treated. I suffer from clinical depression, currently controlled by medication. It's a chemical imbalance in the brain, not something brought on by life event.
Anyway, all my troubles aside, they pale in comparison to these.
Many, many condolences to her family, friends, and those whose lives she touched.
Posted: 8:45 AM - Feb 19, 2009 djivryel
Wtf she was `hakubaikou?! I'd lurked that artist before... and envied her mad art skillz. And now she's dead?
...Truly the world is now poorer for her absence. 
Posted: 8:52 AM - Feb 19, 2009 Vetch
Dear folks, there must have been a misreading, and thus rumours start. Her sister writes, on her deviant art homepage:
"I know for certain that my sister was very happy with her life, especially in recent years"
Let's be glad about that; and let's not speculate unnecessarily.
Posted: 9:17 AM - Feb 19, 2009 Mitha
I have seen no more than a glimpse of her heart through its echoes on this site, I have only experienced her work as images on a screen, and yet I am so very sad that the world has lost such a special person.
How much more terrible this is for those who truly knew her laughter, her determination, and her genius. My heart goes out to all of you.
Posted: 9:55 AM - Feb 19, 2009 moira
I think I must actually still be in shock over this. I didn't even know her really; she was already gone by the time I arrived. I only knew her through her older postings. And yet I find myself in denial over her loss, as if the accident weren't fatal, or that I misread all of this somehow.
Some people have such a strong presence, they affect many lives; and it matters not how indirectly, they are profoundly affected all the same.
Posted: 11:06 AM - Feb 19, 2009 Kel Julian
While I can't say I'm personally impacted because I never knew CK, I do know two things. One, she created this board, which is really quite an outstanding place. For that I thank her and respect her memory. Two, by all accounts she was a much-loved individual whose loss greatly impacts those who did know her. That's plenty reason for me to be sorry for her loss, and to raise a glass to her.
Posted: 11:23 AM - Feb 19, 2009 Eupathic Impulse
My God.
I've been a Shejidan member for quite a while now, well back into its life on ezboard. I can't really remember what year it was that I joined, but it was when CKTC was in the middle of medical school and coming to the place she created as a refuge from her work and classes. So I did sort of know CKTC via the board, and news of her passing comes as a big shock. A lot of things have happened in my life this past year to remind me how tenuous life can really be, and this is another one. But she created a community that will survive long after her passing, and that's what I'll remember her most for.
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Posted: 5:48 PM - Feb 19, 2009 megrave
I never knew her, but I am forever in her debt. CKTC created a marvellous board, decorated it with beautiful art and found kindred associates here. For that I am profoundly grateful, and send best wishes and kind thoughts to all that were priviliged to know her.
Posted: 6:39 PM - Feb 19, 2009 Jeimani
Like many others, I arrived after her departure from active posting.
Nevertheless her impact remains and I join my esteemed associates in expressing condolences to her friends and family and in expressing thanks to her for establishing such a fine, fine place to meet friends and talk about books and ideas.
Posted: 6:43 PM - Feb 19, 2009 starexplorer
wrote:"Dear folks, there must have been a misreading, and thus rumours start. Her sister writes, on her deviant art homepage:
I know for certain that my sister was very happy with her life, especially in recent years"
Let's be glad about that; and let's not speculate unnecessarily.
Agreed Vetch-ji. I suspect that that notion arose because someone on the memorial page made an oblique reference, and called CK-- informally it seems -- her "sis". I think that was misinterpreted as her RL sister, even though she signed as "anonymous", and the post did not sound like a family member.
wrote:I think I must actually still be in shock over this. I didn't even know her really; she was already gone by the time I arrived. I only knew her through her older postings. And yet I find myself in denial over her loss, as if the accident weren't fatal, or that I misread all of this somehow.
Some people have such a strong presence, they affect many lives; and it matters not how indirectly, they are profoundly affected all the same.
Moira-ji, I know it has really shaken me too-- there is that sense that there would have, should have been more time, the lack of fairness, the outrage and powerlessness at the capriciousness of life....I haven't stopped thinking about it. I try to use awful events like this as reminders to be grateful for all the good in the world, and to appreciate and enjoy it while I can. But it is hard in the face of senseless tragedy. I am not one who is able to take any comfort in notions like it was meant to be, or she is in a better place, or she is at peace now. Though I sometimes wish I were able, and am both envious of and happy for those who can. Instead, once someone is gone, to me it is now about the impact on the living: how they feel, how they remember, how they cope, how they go on in the face of what we know about the ultimate terminus of all life.
Posted: 7:36 PM - Feb 19, 2009 Surtac
It has been well over 24 hours now since I first saw Mule's initial post in this thread and was moved to tears by it.
I've been searching since for words that I can't find. I never really met CK directly in the board's early heyday she had largely gone by the time I stopped lurking and actually joined, some five years ago. But her presence and her personality is all over this wonderful place that she created and nurtured so well, be it in her wonderful artwork that we continue to enjoy to this day, or the sense of fun in the FAQs on the Shejidan site itself. Reading some of the old threads as I have done today has helped to put a smile back on my face her personality is always there and you can almost see the joy, the smile on her own face as she interacts with other members. She built a true community here, one that both she and we can continue to be proud of, and one that I am proud to be associated with.
Charlene, I never met you and now never will, but I will always regard you as a true friend.
Posted: 9:34 AM - Feb 20, 2009 Bumiso
These are the things that test our convictions and our strengths. I did not know CK, but looking at what she wrought, how can there be any doubt, of the goodness of this person? Through her efforts, born from trying times, we are a community connected over time and distance, a curious but supportive aishi of relatives and associates. The passing of such a creative individual is always a loss to those who remain behind, but her effort will be carried on through the continued existence of this forum, and by the participation of us all.
Man'chi is not broken.
Posted: 12:52 PM - Feb 20, 2009 Aelith
A toast!
Man'chi is not broken.
Posted: 1:03 PM - Feb 20, 2009 Vetch
Never. 
Posted: 1:52 PM - Feb 20, 2009 Creaturefeature
Thank you for passing on this news Mule, devastating though it is. The first image that came into my mind when I read this was her old tatty cat icon, that I'd seen goodness only knows how many times; it was strange to see a photo of her real face. CKTC was very much at the fore when I joined the board. In fact, she was one of the primary reasons I was encouraged to join. I had never had the time or interest in message boards before, but this board stood out for the gracious conduct of its members, the cameraderie, and the sheer fun of it all, and a lot of that was obviously due to the influence of CKTC, and the principles she established right from the start. I was obviously very sad when she reduced the time she spent here, and finally abdicated entirely, but at the same time I was glad that she was finally getting the chance to do what she really wished to do with her life.
It is one of the more minor, but not I feel insignificant, achievements, that the spirit of this community that she established has continued in her absence. Long may it do so. I am sure that in the other areas of her life, this positive influence will also be felt and linger long after her passing. Some people touch lightly yet leave a lasting impact, and CKTC was one of those people.
Posted: 2:16 PM - Feb 20, 2009 selden
The world has lost yet another of its shining lights.
Posted: 4:57 PM - Feb 20, 2009shlinas
Spence just forwarded the link to this thread to me. I am in shock. I feel myself lucky to have joined the old site before she left, and have fond memories.
I guess this is another testimony that life can be very short. Enjoy the moments when you have them, and treasure the memory when you no longer do.
I think I'm going to go cry now.All times are UTC-07:00
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Posted: 6:29 PM - Feb 20, 2009 Felicitous Sk8er
I have struggled over the past several days about what to post here. CK's loss has been especially difficult to bear, on several levels. I will post eventually, but in the interim please know that I told Carolyn and Jane personally. They were stunned and greatly saddened. Carolyn will be in personal communication with CK's family.
Posted: 7:18 PM - Feb 20, 2009 Susan
Friends, those who I know so well and new ones, I just learned about CK's passing tonight. I am heartbroken. CK was so very dear to me.
I joined CK's original Shejidan site at a very low time in my life and it
had a revivifying effect on me. She made it my second home. Through the site I met many dear friends, of whom CK was enormously special to me. We used to exchange long emails, but somehow we stopped as she got more and more involved in her new graduate program and her new life, and my life took some unfortunate new turns. Now I regret bitterly that I did not continue writing to her.
CK made of Shejidan a uniquely warm refuge, where only goodwill, humor, the
finest intellectual analysis and fairest disagreement was encouraged among
us. I can see from all the familiar names on this thread that many friends
have remained, and CK's spirit endures here. I can't think of a finer memorial but oh how I wish CK were with us.
My love to you all,
Susan
Posted: 5:18 AM - Feb 21, 2009 Kokipy
From the links to CK's other communities we can see that we were not the only ones to benefit from her unique, gifts. I also see she loved Dunnett as well as Cherryh - yet another reason I wish I had crossed her path in real time.
[Susan, I hope you linger among us. You are another one that we late comers have only been able to enjoy through your past presence.]
Posted: 6:31 AM - Feb 21, 2009 Susan
Kokipy, I was glad that I was able to lead CK and others to my beloved Dunnett's Lymond books (although the stubborn Mule still says he doesn't like them . . . .) They're my second lifetime favorites after Cherryh's (speaking of modern books, that is - nobody beats Jane Austen).
When CK discovered the Dunnett books she was still maintaining a male persona on the board, and did not want to reveal that she liked the Dunnett books, perhaps because her reaction to them was so strongly based on Lymond's appeal. She e-mailed a beautiful drawing of Lymond to me. I gather from your post, Kokipy, that she posted at a site where they discuss Dunnett. I hope she posted her drawing there. If there are more - I only saw the one - perhaps you could give me the url. I'd love to see others besides the one she sent me.
Thank you for your kind welcome.
Susan
Posted: 8:47 AM - Feb 21, 2009 Sandor
I am saddened by the news of CKTC's passing. I, also, was one who only started lurking after she had passed stewardship of the board over to our current Guild, but was still posting (and the back catalog of older posts was more easily accessible). I have vivid memories of reading her post confessing that she was female - both surprised that she could think it would even be an issue for a community imbued with her values of civility, intelligent discourse, and even love, while also comforted by the heartwarming reception her "news" received on this board. Even just looking at her website gives me a sense of pride being even remotely associated with one of her creations.
I send my sympathy to her family in their grief, and am comforted only by seeing that she had found her calling in the creative arts before her death.
- Sandor
Posted: 12:16 PM - Feb 21, 2009 hrhspence
I moved all the Dunnett discussion to the Dunnett thread, follow it here:
... =880&st=15
Posted: 12:55 PM - Feb 21, 2009 billi
I remember CK from the early days. I would love to be able to say something profound, but nothing comes. So instead I will say this. She made this place, and it is good. She attracted these people, and they are good. I believe the world has lost another treasure.
Posted: 6:08 AM - Feb 22, 2009 agricola
It is always sad to learn of an untimely death.
Posted: 9:08 AM - Feb 22, 2009 pence
I too am one of the late comers who have so enjoyed her legacy of Sheijidan. Reading the tributes here brings the Kipling lines to mind:
Now bless and praise we famous men
Men of little knowing
For their work lives after them
Great beyond all Knowing.
(He wrote these to acknowlege some of the teachers he had had in his youth.)
Posted: 12:01 AM - Feb 23, 2009 BeulahBelle
I am a relative latecomer to this board also and it's very hard to know what to say because I did not know CKTC. The many expressions of caring and sorrow here and on her site are a testament to how truly she was loved and how much she will be missed. Her art is breathtaking and her generosity of spirit are very much in evidence in the creation of this board for all of us to enjoy, and for that I am so grateful. I feel very sad for her loved ones and friends and hope that all are able to find strength and healing in the bonds she created among so many.
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Page 6 of 7Posted: 7:21 AM - Feb 23, 2009 Kokipy
Here is the link to her profile page in her gallery, where her favorite authors are listed: Hakubaikou profile page
Posted: 7:54 AM - Feb 23, 2009 starexplorer
Thanks Koki-ji -- I hadn't seen that. Remarkable.
Posted: 10:50 AM - Feb 25, 2009 Kokipy
I stumbled on this threat CK started a while back and thought you all might enjoy seeing it again.
Whales
Posted: 3:48 PM - Mar 22, 2009 sevenall
I found out just now and I'm more sorry than I can say.
Wherever you are now, CK, thank you for the good times and the laughter shared by all on this board. Back when, you once told me/us that you tried to post at least once to every thread. Thank you for creating and caring for Shejidan and for making it such a beautiful place, on the outside and the inside.Posted: 6:23 PM - Apr 02, 2009ResaI only found out about this today. And am at a loss for words.
She will not be forgotten.
Posted: 3:27 PM - Apr 07, 2009 moira
I read this today, and thought of her. I hope you don't mind if I post it here. I
might contest the part about only one world...
Untitled [This is what was bequeathed us]
by Gregory Orr
An excerpt from How Beautiful the Beloved
This is what was bequeathed us:
This earth the beloved left
And, leaving,
Left to us.
No other world
But this one:
Willows and the river
And the factory
With its black smokestacks.
No other shore, only this bank
On which the living gather.
No meaning but what we find here.
No purpose but what we make.
That, and the beloved's clear instructions:
Turn me into song; sing me awake.
Posted: 3:56 PM - Apr 07, 2009 Theta9
moira,Apr 7 2009 wrote:
This is what was bequeathed us:
This earth the beloved left
And, leaving,
Left to us.
No other world
But this one:
Willows and the river
And the factory
With its black smokestacks.
No other shore, only this bank
On which the living gather.
No meaning but what we find here.
No purpose but what we make.
That, and the beloved's clear instructions:
Turn me into song; sing me awake.
I couldn't agree more.
Posted: 7:06 PM - Apr 07, 2009 starexplorer
thank you moira -- that was great.
Posted: 9:50 AM - Apr 08, 2009KatoVery touching indeed, Moira-ji.
I also love her portrait at the start of this thread. A gentle soul to be sure.
Posted: 12:26 PM - Apr 08, 2009 Serendipity
I, too, wish I had known her. That she was loved by so many speaks of her greatness of spirit.
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Posted: 4:48 PM - Apr 08, 2009 ready
thank you mia-ji!
Posted: 3:16 PM - Apr 25, 2009
rosebladeaureliuskcir
Damn.
So much to express, but...just...damn.
...
*goes and curls up on couch with cup of tea*
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